This is what's left of my soul.

I have a new account

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 03:19:19 GMT

Get over it and add nousnousadorent
Thats me.
You may have seen my new entry under it.
Go add me now.
And forget about this one.
It is from a different time and will still be around if you, for some reason, would like to come back and visit it.
Not that you would.
I'll see you.

http://nousnousadorent.livejournal.com/

go there and add now.

Goodbye and see ya around.
Ash

Pas de quoi.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 02:08:22 GMT

I wish he would stop messing with my heart.

Even if he doesnt know he's doing it.

I'm not suuuuure.

Again, i wish i could read minds.

Or he would talk about this stuff.

HELP.

ash

I'm Straight. I like men. I'm not a lesbian.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 01:40:32 GMT

But you knew that, right?
Or have i in some way been misleading people making them think I'm not?
Well, MATT thought i was. But he kept pushing it. He makes me SO MAD.
Ima go now.

MY BRAIN vs. MY HEART

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 21:00:38 GMT

Now here's the situation:
MY BRAIN-I know what i should do. The solution is simple: Ignore my feelings and just be friends. Its like looking at a map and guessing where you are. But I'm scared i have the wrong map out. I'm seeing all the wrong signs and nothing matches up. Do you get it? It's like he's looking at the friendship map and I'm looking at the "like" map. But I'm scared of what the situation really is: he has the "like" map and i have he "confusion" map. But that doesn't make sense. He acts like we're just friends so isn't it right that i assume that he just wants to be friends? My brain says ask him. Ask him how he feels and work it from there. It tells me i should take the easiest path.
MY HEART- My heart leads me to want adventure. But it doesn't want to get hurt. It gives excuses as to why i shouldn't ask; as valid or invalid that those excuses are. It wants me to go through the little things, to EXPERIENCE not just do. My heart tells me its not all black and white, but there is some grey in between. It yearns for drama and details. For love, attention, compassion, romance, and pleasure in all forms.
MY BRAIN-My brain HATE drama, my own, other people's, whomever. It wants knowledge, solidity, assurance of all that may exist, it DEPENDS on science and religion and longs for solid facts and instructions. MY BRAIN wants advice and strict rules.
MY HEART- My heart searches for the in-between, the details and pleasantries that occur in life as a whole. Not an outline of a story. It wants the typical romance novel, love story, chick flick and every piece of the cliché that is love.
MY BRAIN- If my brain could ask you (you being my friends, of course) a question on the situation it would be "What should I do?"
MY HEART-If my heart could ask you a question on the situation it would be "How should I feel.
MY BRAIN- If my brain could ask him any question it would be "What do you want from me?"
MY HEART- If my heart could ask him any question it would be "How do you feel?"
MY BRAIN- My brain is in a battle with my heart. It keeps telling it not to risk it and just be friends. A friend forever is better than a high school love drama for a week. It wants my heart to quickly agree and forget its feelings.
MY HEART- My heart is confused on how it really feels. Does it prefer being in love over not getting hurt and possibly ruining a friendship? My heart almost complied, but it remembered all the little things. It aches with feelings for him that my brain just doesn't understand.
MYSELF- I am confused. Lost between the two organs. The two possibilities. The two consequences. I beg for help, assistance, advice. Which organ wins, my friends? You choose for I cannot. I want your ideas and opinions which aren't in the situation and your vision is clear where mine is fogged with feelings and thoughts. Give me the right map!

"Where's your grandpa now?" -Announcer for Little Miss Sunshine Pageant

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 01:58:57 GMT

"In the trunk of our car." -Olive (from Little Miss Sunshine)

But i just spent all day with Rick.

It was so fun.

After school to about 7:00.

ME, Rick, and Irwin went to Wendy's, then Mc Sports.
We were going to see a movie, but the cinema wasnt open.
And we couldnt think of anything.
So we walked to his house and played guitar hero.
Then we watched Little Miss Sunshine (Hilarious)
And then me, his brother, and his mom talked for a while.
And his dad got home and gave him his new cymbal stand.
And we played Halo.
And ate homemade pizza (i have the leftovers)
And then we had to leave.

But it was SO MUCH MORE than that.
There are Zero details, thats just as basic as outline's go.
And i had loads of fun.
-ash

Cupid hits me every time I think about him... I have a headache :[

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 18:22:08 GMT

I talked to him today. After the long weekend and after not seeing him yesterday.

And its a little funny how he makes everything okay. Until tomorrow.

I love remembering the little moments that may or may not mean anything.

But you guys don't need to hear about any of that.

I felt hot today.

like, sexy.

for once.

maybe it's the cleavage.

i hope not.

I'm not to partial to my boobs being cold.

And I'm not sure i can get used to it...

We need more food in my house.

My mom FINALLY called the drivers ed people.

Soon enough I'll have my drivers license.

And I might get a car.

But maybe not.

Whatever I'm in a pretty good mood right now.

Caaaaallll me.
ash

Such a freaking tool.

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 20:30:42 GMT

Am i so self centered and cold that i cant talk to somebody else about their problems for five minutes before i have to recenter it around myself?
All i ever want to talk about any more is HIM.
I think i just did it again.

But...I can't be as happy about everything until i know he likes me.

I know what will happen: I'll be in love with him until it all falls apart and i find out he doesn't like me at all. That he still like my best friend (she knows who she is). And then what? I'll want to move even more.
No offense, guys, but he's the only thing remotely keeping me here, and he's not doing a very good job.
I want to get AWAY from Ohio. My dad has two possible jobs lined up.
Our whole family wants to move to Kentucky. It would work perfectly for all of us. For Grant: he could go to the same college and it wouldn't be "out of state". For Dad, he'd have a job he actually enjoys. For mom: A warmer climate. For me: a new life. And its close to Cincinnati.

So many signs are lined up telling our family we need to move. I'm sure god would make that one more sign: Him not liking me. I hate being here. The few of you who actually care, thanks. I know theres gotta be a couple people who would miss me if I were gone. About now i don't think he would care. I don't think Matt Dee or Corey would care. The only reason Wayne would miss me is because i give him gum. My classmates wouldn't miss me and i cant say i would particularly miss them. I'm sure Emma would be ecstatic. She'd have a reserved seat in Wind Ensemble and assured first chair in Orchestra next year. I doubt any of the music teachers would miss me. They would get along fine without me, i assure you.
Now my teen leader from church isn't doing it anymore. This is the lady that freaking baptized me and taught me so much. I can't even believe it. And i know i should be understanding because she has a kid and has another on the way, but i feel so abandoned. GET ME OUT OF HERE! Strongsville sucks. If its going to RAIN i wish i would freaking RAIN. None of this drizzle crap.
But i can't move until i have My drivers liscence. Which takes forever. All this stuff is so messed up. Like, my family wants to leave but theres little things keeping us here. Insignificant little things. But we can't move until dad gets a job.

I just want to know that there's nothing here that's worth staying for. That's why i need to know how he feels. Then I'm home free.

This rant is now over,
Ash

Why is it that a GUY would make me feel so happy?

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 02:02:18 GMT

I'm having a great week.
Who cares that finals start tomorrow?
I'm euphoric.
I want to feel like this forever.
I'm on top of the world right now.
I just have to go study.
But thats no big deal.
I'll see you in school tomorrow!
-Ash

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 18:28:28 GMT

Lemon Demon - The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Old Godzilla was hopping around
Tokyo City like a big playground
when suddenly Batman burst from the shade
and hit Godzilla with a Batgrenade
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack
but didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq Fu
when Aaron Carter came out of the blue

and he started beating up Shaquille O'Neal
then they both got flattened by the Batmobile
but before it could make it back to the Batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
and took an AK47 out from under his hat
and blew Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat
but he ran out of bullets and he ran away
because Optimus Prime came to save the day

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime
and then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
but Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
and Batman was injured, and trying to get steady
when Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
but suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip

then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
and he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
and Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
then he jumped in the air and did a summersault
while Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault
onto Optimus Prime, but they collided in the air
then they both got hit by a Care Bear Stare, oooh

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...

angels sang out in immaculate chorus
down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
who deliver a kick which could shatter bones
into the crotch of Indiana Jones
who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
but Chuck saw through his clever disguise
and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs

then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and
"Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and
Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and
Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan,
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan
all came out of no where lightning fast
and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass
it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw
with civilians looking on total awe

and the fight raged on for a century
many lives were claimed, but eventually
the champion stood, the rest saw their better:
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater

this is the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see
and only one will survive, I wonder who it will be
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
this is the Ultimate Showdown...
of Ultimate Destiny

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/ultimate+showdown/
go see it now, its so funny.

The morning

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 17:16:29 GMT

Summer don't know me no more
He got mad, tiresome

Summer don't know me no more
He just left me low in myself

Because I do know love from you then
Just dying

I saw that day
I lost my mind
Lord I'm fine
Maybe in time you'll want to be mine?

Don't stop the buck when it comes
It's the dawn, you'll see

Money won't get there
Ten years passed and now you'll flee

If you do it then I'll be strong
To find you

I saw that day
I lost my mind
Lord I'm fine
Maybe in time you'll want to be mine.

I saw that day,
I Lost my mind
Lord, I'm fine
Maybe in time you'll want to be mine.

Maybe in time
You'll want to be mine
Maybe in time
You'll want to be mine

The first full day off.

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 01:58:41 GMT

I know I'm updating a lot lately. I finally folded and gotten a sponsored+ account. I'm a schmuck, i know. I've been thinking too much about him again. What do i have to do yo get him off my mind. Or at least make me happy while he is on my mind? I can't help but continuously think about him and be unhappy doing it. If only I knew more about this. I want it to rain, but i know that this time ot wont make me happy. I need a miracle.

Windmill, windmill for the land,
Turn forever hand in hand,
Take it all in on your stride,
It is ticking, falling down,
Love forever, love is free,
lets turn forever you and me,
Windmill windmill for the land,
Is everybody in?

Today was bring to say the least.
It's going to be an interestingly bland summer.

Somebody help me please? Any advice? I'm begging you!

KdAiFsFnYeIyAiMsSsOoRaRwYeIsDoImDeNdTuCdAeL!L

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 18:11:45 GMT

So i got back from florida yesterday at about 7:20 PM. I dont know what to say about it. It was awesome. A paradise. Totally adorable and fun and funny and everything. but then i came back and got hit by reality.

I spent so much money. i got a lot. But nothing for you guys... sorry. i got burnt. Baad. IT faded a lot but my face is really icky. My back hurts. I got a lot of really cute stuff and went on some really awesome roller coasters and rides. I took a crap load of pictures. you can look at them but im not sure how much it will mean to you.

The bus rides were long and uncomfortable. we watched a lot of movies and ate a lot of junk food.

I can tell the future. I swear. I predicted a couple things and when i got back...VOILA! I was right (like always...jk) the thing that scares me is i dont know how i am right when i predict these things.

and to show how easilyi get over things, i like someone new now. not telling who. I know it will end badly. I think a lot of other girls like him or at least flirt with him. But i have a suspiscian (omg, sp?)that he might like me or something. I wish there was some way to find out who he likes. OK, call and comment, alright?

Ash

I want to have fun

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 00:42:34 GMT

I want to go to cvs and hang out
I want to walk down the streets of strongsville and laugh about nothing with all my friends
I want to go somewhere and just hang out.
I want to find the perfect person to talk to
I want to watch the sun set and not have anything to worry about
I want to walk around safely at 2 am.
I want to write a song that makes me famous
I want to be appreciated for everything that i am.
I want people i see everyday to know i exist
I want to be friends with a lot of those people.
I want to know who i am
I want people to stick up for me
I want to get in a fight and win
I want respect
I want to be good at something
I want to be a person
I want security
I want happiness
i want to live a good life
I want everyone to laugh during my funeral
I want to be everything i ever dreamed of
I want to sing and be heard
i want a real hug, for a real reason
I want everything to work out
I want to be in shape
i want everyone to be happy
i want to be weird
i want to stick out
i want high school to be something i love.
I want to let go of the past
i want to be understood
I want to make a music video (i have it all planned out)
I want my chocolate ovaltine please

I dont want to be bitter
i dont want to have another bad day
i dont want to waste my life
i dont want regret
i dont want to be something im not
i dont want to make anyone sad
i dont want anyone to hate me
i dont want to be mean
i dont want to cry
i dont want to forget
I dont want to get old
I dont want to get ugly
I dont want people to think I was the same.

Don't tell me i have to do this all myself.

I shouldnt have to go to CVS alone.
I should have inspiration to write a song
Does my gravestone have to be a joke for everyone to laugh?
You know, somethings ,yeah. But help me out here.

ugggggggh!

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 19:44:00 GMT

NextOnFox8: after being all down in the dumps and everything
NextOnFox8: well
NextOnFox8: you know how i go by the music hallway after school
cpfan9989: yesm
NextOnFox8: well
NextOnFox8: i went back in the band room to see who made it into symphony
NextOnFox8: and i was all like "jeez, only me and eric are gonna be in concert with all the crappy people next year
NextOnFox8: then i saw who was actually in symphonic and everything
NextOnFox8: and i turned around and mr. Hire already closed the door i planned to make my escape from
NextOnFox8: so i had to go through the one thats closest to mr harbarts office.
NextOnFox8: and mr harbart happened to be going out of the music library door at the same time
NextOnFox8: and he's like "how are you" and i was like "im fine..."
NextOnFox8: etc..
NextOnFox8: and i walk away to my normal post directly outside of that hallway
NextOnFox8: suddenly mr harbart yells (kinda) "ashley, come in here"
NextOnFox8: so i do
NextOnFox8: and he's like "are you in symphonic band
NextOnFox8: "
NextOnFox8: and i shake my head
NextOnFox8: and he's like
NextOnFox8: "well you should be
NextOnFox8: "
NextOnFox8: and yeah
NextOnFox8: it goes on from there

after that mr. hire comes out and tells me i made symphony. since i was a little shaken up from the harbart thing i pretty much smiled and nodded and i think that kinda disappointed him. Then Mr. Harbart told all the music people what happened. So anyone i may have hurt with my sour mood between 7th period and between i am sorry. Its better now. i have other things that crapped on my day, but ill leave it at that.

A bunch of random things in no particular sequence

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 21:45:10 GMT

i dont know what to say. (thats never stopped me before)
I dont think ive ever really been speechless. Like i couldnt say anything. Or had nothing to say. I think you can tell, too. That i always have something more to say whether i say it or not. I dont think any of you know how i really feel. (about you) and i doubt you ever will. It's just the way i work. And sometimes its not what i say (or want to say), but what i do or want to do.

How much do you really know about me?
What am i mad about while im writing this?
Whats really annoying me right now?
Who do i just want to slap across the face?
Who do i want to show the way i think and feel?
What did/does my mom say to me that makes me mad?
What do i do that i know i shouldnt?
What do i wish i could be doing right now?
Where do i wish i was right now?
How do i plan to solve my problems?
How do i take out my anger? (or do i?)

You dont have to answer those. How many of you are really my friends? A friend would know a couple or quite a few of those. Are you all just accquaintances? I barely say a word to any of you. I could answer all those questions. There are actually quite a few answers to a lot of the questions.

Hurt

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 22:19:46 GMT

I miss him. I wish i went to school today. I wish i saw him today. But the way i feel. Im so miserable. I blame him. And he obviously doesnt get it. I've tried explaining myself. I cant get over it. I wish there was something else i could do.

dood

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 20:54:54 GMT

after school my mom picked me up. I found her, put my stuff in the car and hopped in. after i buckled up i looked out the window and there he was, sitting in his bus. He smiled at me and i smiled back. He's so cute when he's smiling. He's so cute anyways.

And today at lunch, we talked a little. Normally we just see and ignore each other. Today he talked to me about the note i wrote him yesterday.

And this morning i totally caught him staring at me in the hall.

Among other things.

I like today more than i let on to any of you that i talked to.

Ashley

Je suis laid.

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 15:41:31 GMT

the girl switched rooms. The weekend was pretty awesome but i forgot my pillow. And somehow it brought about self-esteem issues. I dont even know how. But other than that, it was cool. I mean there was a "positive choice program" on saturday. It was like Operation: keepsake only a tad different. There were a lot of awesome people and cute guys. We had pizza. I personally liked the way down and back even better. I love roadtrips. I taught my teen leader about music on the way down after we got rid of three really loud girls (they were kinda disturbing the baby) on the way back i slept. it was awesome. I made a cool friend and saw an old one. I was kinda inspired. Now im sitting here and kinda wondering; wishing somebody was online.
I want to talk to somebody and i feel so lonely. and i hate feeling lonely. I'm wondering why i dont have a boyfriend and if im pretty or in any way attractive. And the problem is, i dont know why. I realized the other day that i dont flirt. At all. And i was thinking, maybe i dont flirt because i dont want t ofreak guys out. Why would i freak guys out? because they dont like me? And why is that? Jeez. i said i have self esteem issues.

What is wrong with me?

I guess i'll never know.

(oh yeah, i found all my good cd's)

Its time for my weekly update

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 01:04:04 GMT

Yeah. Some drama the other day. It's hard to talk about since i think its so stupid. Its about a guy. The one i like (currently -_-;) one of my rather good friends likes him too. ANd it bothers me because she has so much of a better chance with him. But that works... *sigh* Its had me really distracted lately. yep, the past to days the...situation...has had me distracted. I cant elaborate, because its painful. Im not sure. I hate being so love-challenged. Or like-challenged. I just cant get the tiniest hang of it. Oh, and about it, I really want to get them together because i know that itll make her happy, but itll make me so*ellipses* not.

Soo messed up. Its all messed up.

I just found out my friend who lives in Avon Lake got kicked out of his house. By his stepdad

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 19:55:32 GMT

hey everyone. Bored outta my mind. not many people update anymore. Yeah. Not much to write about since you all know whats happening. meh.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 20:22:59 GMT

Raphael
So you need Healing (62%), Knowledge (70%), Inspiration (70%), and Strength (56%)?

Archangel Raphael
is the Angel of intellect, creativity, healing, joy, courage and hope.
This Angel will bring guidance and sustenance to anyone feeling lost,
whether physically, emotionally or spiritually. He is called "The
Illuminator," because he provides a "Torch of Angelic Light" to help
humans light their way through life so they can more effectively avoid
hurdles, overcome challenges with less effort, and see the
opportunities and spiritual rewards that lay ahead. He encourages
self-motivation in becoming who we�re meant to be, and reminds us to
seek truth in all we say and do. As we light our way into the future, a
sense of courage will naturally come to us.

Students as well as teachers are in good hands if Raphael is
watching over them. He inspires a heightened creative visualization and
allows us to better focus on a particular activity to achieve a
specific goal. Raphael is the Patron Angel of doctors, scientists,
writers, and anyone working in the field of endeavour in the liberal
arts or sciences. Being the leader of the Angels of Healing, Raphael
offers cure of all kinds for humans, animals, and nature. He is a
protector of children, and that goes for your inner child, too. He
teaches us to laugh easily, and to enjoy life. Raphael is said to be
the friendliest and funniest of all the Angels.

A Bit of Trivia:

Raphael is one of the four greatest Archangels, the other three being Michael, Gabriel, and Uriel.
His symbols are the healing hands and the Caduceus, a winged staff
intertwined with two snakes, which can be seen on the signs of
pharmacies and hospitals. He is the Angel of Mercury, and thus the
ruler of Wednesday, the day of learning and travelling. He corresponds
with the Wind signs, Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra. Raphael can be seen on the Tarot card Key 6 � the Lovers,
which symbolizes our three layers of consciousness, with the man being
the conscious, the woman being the sub-conscious, and the angel being
the super-conscious.

Jophiel - Michael - Israfel - Raziel - Ariel - Uriel - Gabriel - Raphael - Zadkiel - Jeremiel

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 86% on Healing
You scored higher than 70% on Knowledge
You scored higher than 82% on Inspiration
You scored higher than 63% on Strength

Link: The Angel Test written by Nitsuki on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This
means that you have a talent for identifying
others emotions, often by simply glancing at
them. You are EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People
sometimes dont notice youre around and seem
surprised to find out you even exist in a big
class. Youre the often silent, goody two shoes,
and few get passed the walls youve built up to
stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have
been in the past. Not everyone understands you,
in fact some think that youre a snob or worse
because you rarely participate in group
activities. Youre extremely sensitive, even the
least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your
very few, closest friends who have earned your
hard-to-get trust know who you really are
inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is
lonely and so desperately needing friends to
support you. You can get very depressed and not
always know why, despite your power of empathy,
as it seems to only work for people outside
you. Your friends always turn to you when they
need advice or comforting, and in some way you
need to give that helpit makes you feel better
in return to know that youve helped out your
friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior
and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside
you are really a great, intelligent person,
full of compassion and love, if only people
would dare take a chance and try to get through
your tough shell. Never let others get you
down, or change you. You are very special the
way you areeven if you dont have fifty thousand
friends, you are just as, if not more
extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the
stars, because I dont doubt youll catch hold of
them.
Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet:
A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind
of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt
you, and will love you for ever. The kind of
person who believes in true love, and soul
mates.
Your stone: Blue Topaz
Your power: Healing. Emotionally,
physically, or spiritually, you heal people
with your words, your actions and presence.
Youre the one that the little children are
always drawn to, because they know youll never
let anything hurt them.
Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to
see objects or events that cannot be perceived
by the normal five senses.)
A quote that applies to you: "True
beauty shines from the soul and warms the world
with its kindness, compassion , and
integrity."

What's your inner power? (Girls only sorry. Beautiful anime pictures, lengthy results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, i like the one picture.

Umm...im a little PISSED OFF right now. k

The bad things- (if you are offended by things like badmouthing American actions, dont read this.

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 18:14:31 GMT

Ok, i was at church and Steve (the leader) he said something, i dont remember exactly what. But it got me thinking about how everyone only talks about the bad things, and then it became clear: People talk about the bad things, notice the bad things, because they want to eliminate them. They want the world to be perfect. The example i used when telling this to my parents i said, say susie gave you a hug but George pushed you. you will tell people about george because you dont want them to get pushed too, but you might have forgotten about susie's hug because of what george did to you, so you wouldnt tell anyone (this is an example, and this sort of action isnt a reserved action, i know you would all remember the hugs, generally)

The problem here is that nothing can be perfect, because people do, create and talk about bad things. Even if they do not know or notice that they are bad, or just dont care, it still happens. I mean, There are things like cutting down all the beautiful, oxygen giving life forms we call trees (dont care, they are life forms :P) to put up just another of those money draining things we call 'Malls.'

This brings me to another point: AMERICA IS SO WASTEFUL. We waste: room, space, gas, energy, food, water, money, beauty, nature, etc... we take everything for granted. I was also talking about this with my mom. (came to this by talking about how cars are evil and sent by the devil XD) Nothing is sacred when an american is around.

Wait, just by telling you this, my opinion of the matter, im pointing out the bad this, so, to justify that, the things that make me happy today: the fish at the chinese food place, Church, teen leaders, the bathroom(dont ask) my hair, cell phones, toothbrushes, chicken, pork, tea, rice, paper, water, nature's beauty, hot guys, aaaaaaaaand...pinkypurple (FUSCIA!!!)

Ok, to close, no wonder so many americans are depressed.

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 21:52:30 GMT

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

yes, i did cheat, in a way...

Hot Hot Heat

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 19:55:41 GMT

Don't get mad if I'm laughing
Blame the caffeine for all the 5 am phone calls
I haven't slept a single night in over a month
And not even once did you start to make sense to me
Well maybe I'm a little bit slow, or just consistently inconsistent
She said, "Unpredictability's my responsibility, baby."

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere
To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere

They chewed me up and then they spit me out
And I'm not supposed to let it bother me
But maybe I'm a little bit weak - I let my frailty take the wheel
She said, "Maybe there's a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby."

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere
To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere
To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere
To give you something to go on - to go on back to the middle of nowhere

Im sure you know this song.

And something completely unrelated: do you think people try to defy rality because they're afraid to accept it's truth. Or maybe there is no reality? Eevryone says you have to accept reality after high school or something. Don't you think that we're living in the reality and when we become adults that is lost for stupid insignificant things. (i.e. "he cut me off" "that television show is too violent" "jimmy isnt homw yet, i wonder if he's in an accident?") I mean, when is the cut-off point when we think the violent shows are funny? When we start worrying about things that shouldnt be worried about? When do we become so full of ourselves that we wont listen to another? Or has that been reached already by some? How can we be sure that maturity is reached not only in body, but in mind, emotions?

I have another question: why do people put so much bearing on what others think about them? I know adults (mom, dad...) that put a lot of worth on what others think. I mean, there are boundaries. I mean, you should care about yourself like how neat is too neat, how messy does something have to be before it holds the need to be clean. you know...but why does it matter what we wear? Why do people base your personality off of what your shirt says. A shirt might say a lot about a person, but it might just mean that nothing is left in their closet, not necessarily that they love green day (just an example, eric)

another one

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 20:27:03 GMT

Your Birthdate: November 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path.

But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated.

A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life.

This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.

You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.

You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well.

Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences.

The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married.

You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?